What is the purpose of sex? God created sex for two reasons: the unity of a married couple and the procreation of life. If sexual acts are used for any other reason, the act is against God’s will and is an act of perversion. The perversion due to the misuse of a good leads to the deprivation of that good, which is sin. When a person uses another person as an object for sexual pleasure, they are depriving both people of the good for which sex was created.
Things are created for certain reasons. A cell phone is created to communicate with people to send and receive messages. If a cell phone was used as a hammer, not only would the cell phone not be able to hammer a nail effectively, but also the cell phone would get damaged. Just like a cell phone, sex was created for a special reason.
Does the Church teach that sex is good or bad? God is the source of all goodness and God created sex, therefore sex is good. When good things are misused, the thing or even person is deprived of the good and this is a sin (a deprivation of good). So sex is good, but can be deprived of its goodness. Very often people think the Church says sex is bad. This is completely untrue. The Church says that sex is from God and that it has a specific purpose.
Once, a first grader says to his classmate, “Do you want to know what sex is? Sex is when you’re married and you going to have a baby.” The first grader was completely right, God created sex for two reasons: the unity of a married couple and the procreation of life. Blessed Pope John Paul the Great referred to sex as the gift of self or the marital act. Sex has become a misused and misunderstood. The phrases “marital act” and “gift of self” describes the purpose of sex - the gift of self between husband and wife that is always open to life. This gift is perhaps the greatest act of charity that can take place within a marriage. It is an honor that man and woman, through the marital act, are asked by God to help pro-create. God, the Author of Life, can choose any means to write into existence His creation. God chooses the unity and love between husband and wife through the marital act as the soil in which life begins. Sex is not just good sex is holy! Sex is an honor, a privilege, and a response to the call of God.
What is the sexual faculty? The sexual faculty is a name for the genital organs. Through the genital organs the body is able to be aroused. This arousal leads to and prepares a married couple to give the whole gift of self to each other in the marital act. Think of a great Italian cook spending all day cooking an amazing Italian feast. The preparation and ingredients mixing together fill the kitchen and whole house with a great aroma that prepares the senses for the meal. It would be cruel to be around the aroma all day and to never taste the feast. The preparation and action go hand in hand. Many people say don’t have sex before marriage. This is not enough. Don’t engage in sexual activity before marriage.
The lyrics are “love and marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a horse and carriage, this I’ll tell you brother you can’t have one without the other...Try, try, try to separate them it’s an illusion.” Not only can we not separate love and marriage, but we should not separate arousal from the marital act, sexual activity and sexual intercourse go together. We can’t have one without the other.
How far is too far? This is the wrong question. You can’t go far if you don’t go at all. To answer this a little more remember do not do anything to purposely arouse another, don’t allow anyone to purposely arouse you, and don’t arouse yourself. One of the beatitudes is, “Blessed are the pure of heart, they shall see God”. In this beatitude, which also is worded the single hearted; Jesus is saying that those who have a heart directed to God first are the blessed. Is our love, affection, desire ordered or directed toward God? We can think of two analogies. You don’t get in a car, if you don’t intend to go somewhere. You don’t go to the bowling alley, if you don’t intend to bowl. We should not sexually arouse another and we should not allow them to sexually arouse us, unless we intend sexual intercourse, which should take place only within marriage, with the intention of unity of the couple and openness to life.
Jason Evert: How far is too far? Typically when asking this question it can be worded, “How can close can I get to sin without sinning.” Why would we want to go even near sin? We should never want to. However, as Jason says we should be asking the question how far can I take this person to holiness?
What is Lust? Lust is a disordered desire, a longing for fulfillment in things other than God. This disordered desire, fueled by the temporal senses, abandons eternal fulfillment. If we are pure, we see God, if we are impure our vision is blurred and we see only false illusions, distractions. Purity begins with our thoughts. Controlling arousal begins with our thoughts. Saint Bernard says, “Thoughts lead to pleasure, pleasure to consent, consent to action, action to habit, habit to necessity.”
“Billy Madison – Veronica Vaughn” Obscene language, as is shown in this scene, light up passions and stir the imagination. Both men and woman alike brag about what they or others have done. This bragging may be false, but is still scandalous and stirs up passions and fantasy. There are many ways we can be an accessory to another’s sin. One of these ways is by praise and flattery. By listening to obscene language we are partaking and by our silence giving praise and flattery and perhaps even approval and support. In this clip the bus driver brags about not what he did, or what others did, but rather thinks about what he would like to do.
The dire necessity of the senses makes those senses and that which appeal to the senses a God. We begin to need them. We know, love and serve that which appeals to our senses instead of knowing, loving and serving God, who appeals to body and soul. If we are pure, we shall see God. If a person has sexual thoughts and dwells on those thoughts they will bring pleasure. Sexual fantasy, the fostering of thoughts through pornography, or simply looking at people, as object for sexual pleasure will eventually lead to consent. People begin to say, “If I had the chance to act out my fantasies and thoughts, if I had a chance to be with that person I would.” This consent can lead to action. The sexual act, like all senses is addictive and can lead to habit, and habits lead to necessity. People begin to need sex, to need that other person. Sex becomes a god in which all is sacrificed. The sex god becomes more important than healthy relationships, babies in the womb, family life, meaningful conversations, etc.
Jason Evert discusses the importance of only when we are married can we truly be ready for sex and why only sex within marriage is the proper way.
What if we are in love is it okay then? If someone truly loves they only want what is best for the other person. Having sex before marriage is not out of love, but out of lust. Whether it is out of impatience, ignorance, or selfishness a person having sex outside of marriage is looking to take in pleasure instead of becoming one flesh. This leads to the other point. Having sex before marriage is a lie we make with our bodies. When we have sex we say we are open to life and we are seeking to make us one body in covenant. However, if the couple separates they have said all this but now they are physically leaving each other. Also, almost every time a couple has sex before marriage they are hoping to not get pregnant. If we give into this temptation then we give away the one gift that is meant only for our spouse, our virginity. We will have nothing to give to our future spouse. Either we gave it away to someone else or we already gave it to him or her before the wedding. A person’s spouse is worth the wait. All of the reasons above are great reasons for not engaging in the sexual act until marriage, but one of the obvious is that scripture and traditions teach that fornication, which is sex before marriage, is a serious sin. Imagine that there was a seminarian visiting our parish for the summer and one Sunday the pastor did not show up. What if we told the seminarian that he was almost a priest and asked him to celebrate Mass? Not only would this not be right, but Mass would not be valid. We honor the fact that the Mass is sacred and that only an ordain priest can celebrate Mass. We should also honor the fact that Marriage is sacred and that the sexual act itself is sacred and that only a married couple can engage in this act.
What does scripture teach on fornication? Saint Paul speaks very clearly to the Church in Corinth about sexual matters. “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take Christ’s members and make them the members of a prostitute? Of course not! Or do you not know that anyone who joins himself to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For ‘the two’ it says, ‘will become one flesh.’ But whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body. Now in regard to the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is a good thing for a man not to touch a woman.’ But because of cases of immorality every man should have his own wife, and every woman her own husband.” [1]
Our body is on loan, it is given to us by God and will return to God. In the midst of food, sex, tattoos, glamour and all other material goods which adorn and satisfy our body, we can forget the words of Saint Paul, who says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God?" From the time of one the first apostles, Saint Paul to Blessed Pope John Paul II the importance of controlling the body and keeping the body holy has been stressed. Purity, as the virtue, that is, the capacity of "controlling one’s body in holiness and honour" (1 Thess 4:4), together with the gift of piety, as the fruit of the dwelling of the Holy Spirit in the "temple" of the body, bring about in the body such a fullness of dignity in interpersonal relations that God himself is thereby glorified. Purity is the glory of the human body before God. It is God’s glory in the human body, through which masculinity and femininity are manifested.
What if we have been sexually active? If we were to use the cell phone as a hammer or misuse the phone in any other way, it would be suggested that we begin using the cell phone the right way and stop using it the wrong way. If we have misused sexual activity, we should begin right now to learn the value and purpose of sexual activity and make a firm commitment to use sexual activity only for the purpose God intends. Saint Peter says, “Stay sober and alert. Your opponent the devil is prowling like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, solid in your faith.” Faith is the teaching of Christ and His Church. In regards to sexual activity the teaching of Christ and His Church is to use sexual activity for procreation and unity of a married couple. Our opponent the devil is attempting to devour us through sexual sin and impurity, we must be solid in our purpose to engage in sexual activity only when it is open to life and uniting a married couple. We ask the prayers of great Saints and martyrs such as Saints Agatha, Agnes and Maria Goretti, Joseph the Patriarch, Saint Thomas Aquinas and other who resisted sexual impurity, solid in the faith. The greatest victory Satan can gain over us is to make us think that we are unforgivable, that we can never be pure again. Do not fall for this trap and this lie. God’s mercy is far greater than our sin. If we have engaged in sexual activity outside of God’s purpose and have lived an impure life, we can follow the advice of Jesus to Saint Mary Magadlene. Saint Mary Magdalene was caught in the act of adultery. Jesus looked her, as he looks at us in the eyes and says, “Go and sin no more”. Those who have created habits of sexual sin may think this is impossible. Saint Therese says, “Our Father does not inspire us to do what cannot be done.” We can and must be pure and with Confession and God’s grace we can be pure and stay pure.
ACTIVITY – The $20 Bill
This activity requires some form of currency preferably a paper currency ($1, 5, 10, 20) the amount does not really matter. Ask for a volunteer to come up. Hold out the money (in this case let’s say it is a $20 bill). Ask them if they want the $20. Of course they are going to say yes. Then, crumple it up. Ask them if they still want it. They will say yes. Then, rub it under your armpit and ask the same question. Put it in your shoes (or step on it) and ask the question again. Every time they will say yes. Ask them why they still would want the $20. The reason is that it’s still $20 even if it has been put through gross things and it still has worth and value. Tie in how every person has worth and value. Even if someone has engaged in sexual activity before does not mean they have lost their value in God’s eyes. They are still priceless in the eyes of God. We can always clean ourselves off and strive to be what we truly are in God’s eyes: priceless. (optional) at the end of the activity you can give the $20 to the youth.
[1] 1 Corinthians 6:15 – 7:2